I’m Not Lucky

I’m not lucky

People saying your lucky you can eat whatever you want, oh your so skinny, your lucky you can’t gain weight blah blah blah. Let me just go on a little rant. Would you like to tell me how lucky I am to have CF. No you wouldn’t, yet your over here telling me that. Ya I’m skinny, I don’t gain weight easily, I can eat whatever I want, but that doesn’t mean I’m lucky. I bet you wouldn’t be telling me these things if you had CF. If you had to take 20-30 pills a day. If you had to deal with countless treatments a day. People bugging you to “just get better” I bet you wouldn’t be saying how lucky I am if you got winded just talking a sentence. You wouldn’t be saying these things if you felt alone and that no one will truly understand what your going through. Having multiple bad days in a row where you don’t even want to get out of bed let alone go to school and be expected to do things you don’t want to do when you feel like you just want to sleep or stare at a wall all day. Getting little to no sleep multiple nights in a row.

With CF you can’t take breaks when you “feel like it” or when you don’t want to. People will constantly tell you to push through yet they don’t understand that you’ve reached a breaking point. Doctor appointments, hospital stays, emotional breakdowns, surgery’s, procedures, constant pokes, needles. Knowing way to much about health and how I’m so young and shouldn’t know. Knowing about piccs and what a port is. Having a disease that takes a normal cold and causes you to miss week(s) of school at a time. I bet I’m so lucky that I am being told to be more responsible at times when I have to deal with my own well being over some school work that I can work on the next day. Having to go to school rather than rest. When did it go to a point where I have worry and stress more about school than my health? I am anything but lucky. People don’t seem to understand that. I’m not lucky because I am skinny. I have been told by someone how “I’m so lucky I can eat whatever I want” when half the time I don’t want to eat because I’m either full or feel like I’m going to puke. Side affects of new medications or antibiotics that do anything but help you.

People with CF don’t go on telling people how lucky they are that they can walk up the stairs without getting out of breathe. Or how people are lucky they can be hungry or do normal things like that. You see, people don’t just tell other people how there lucky that there hungry, so why should you tell someone with CF how lucky they are that they look the way they do or eat the way they eat?

So tell me, tell me how lucky I am that I’m skinny, or how I’m so lucky that I’m underweight, because in truth I’m not lucky.

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